


The End

by juiceboxjellyfish



Series: Carry On Countdown 2017 [6]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Bleeding Out, Blood, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Death, Just angst, M/M, More Blood, Violence, War, fighting the humdrum, horrible death and angst, literally bleeding out, sacrificing yourself to save someone else, this is seriously pretty messed up so here are some triggers, using your body as a shield, you get the point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 16:46:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12868779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juiceboxjellyfish/pseuds/juiceboxjellyfish
Summary: In a world where the events of Carry On didn't happen, the war against the Humdrum is looking more and more hopeless. The entire world of mages is at risk, and in such conditions, an old conflict between two ex-roommates doesn't seem to matter.Or, in more spoiler-y and simple terms, Simon uses his body to shield Baz and gets lethally injured.





	The End

The world is on fire. The sky is black and every breath I take fills my lungs with more smoke and ash. It’s been ages since I lost count of my bursts of uncontrollable magic. I think. I have no idea what time it is, and I’m not even sure what day it is. The fight has been going on for what feels like an eternity, and I’m running purely on adrenaline and fear now. The Humdrum seems to grow more powerful by the minute. I don’t know how many people that have already died to protect the world of mages, because there’s no time to look at the bodies. There’s just the Humdrum and his pointless war. Not even the war between mages matters anymore, and Pitches are fighting alongside the Mage’s men, protecting and helping each other. I lost Penny in the chaos hours ago, and each time I stumble over a body I silently pray it’s not hers.

The battle keeps moving, as the Humdrum eats the magic around us. He keeps sending new magical beings to the battlefield, making his advantage over us even greater. The fact that the battle has at all been able to last this long is shocking when you have an enemy that absorbs your attacks. But nobody is willing to give up. The Humdrum has tormented us for too long, and gotten too powerful. This war needs to end.

I feel the dry sucking feeling the Humdrum causes get stronger and stronger, and soon this battlefield will be a dead spot like all the battlefields that came before it. We’ll abandon it, leaving bodies and remains of buildings behind to chase the Humdrum. I don’t think I can take leaving any more bodies behind, especially not when Penny could be one of them. This has gone on for too long. I need to end it. I don’t know how, but I have to end it. I’m the chosen one, it’s what I’m supposed to do. It’s just too bad that I’m the worst chosen one to ever have been chosen. The battlefield is full of people fighting, risking their lives, even dying, all because I haven’t figured out how to beat the Humdrum yet. Right next to me, Baz is fighting some kind of horned monster, and his attack spells are getting weaker and weaker as the Humdrum eats the magic around us.  
He doesn’t deserve to die like this. Nobody here does.

I turn to look at the Humdrum, and he’s already looking at me. He’s staring at me out of my own eleven year-old eyes, and the sight of him in a battlefield twists my stomach. I know that he’s an evil creature, but he looks like a child. He looks like I did when I was first introduced to this horrible war, way too young to comprehend any of it. I’m an adult now, but he hasn’t aged a day since the time Penny and I first saw him. I don’t think he can age. I don’t even think he’s a person. With my sword drawn, I start walking towards him, but then I hear Baz scream behind me. I run to him instead.

He’s trying to fight the monster, but his magic has given up. His last protection spell is fading, and none of his desperate tries to reinforce it are doing anything. The monster backs up a little bit and starts charging towards him, like it’s realised that he has no protection now. Baz makes eye contact with me for a millisecond, and his grey eyes are full of pure panic. Before I’ve even finished the thought to do so, I’ve thrown myself in front of him and the monster digs its claws into my chest, tearing my skin apart like it’s nothing. Baz screams my name, and then the pain drowns out everything around me as I fall to the ground. For a few seconds that feel like infinities, I can’t hear or see anything, and the whole world is just pain. When my eyesight comes back, I see that my sword has impaled the monster, which is now lying defeated on the ground. I feel a brief sense of triumph, but then realise that I’m in the same position and feel the panic wash over me. I can’t die here! I’m the chosen one, I have to fight the Humdrum! I have to end the war! I try to sit up, but realise that Baz has grabbed my shoulders and is now shaking me.  
“Baz” I whisper. “Let me go. I need to fight the humdrum.”  
“Are you completely insane?” he almost shouts in response, and there are tears rolling down his cheeks. “You’re dying! Trying to fight will do nothing but kill you faster!”  
“But I have to try. I’m the chosen one. It’s my job.”  
Baz protests, but I push him off of me. My legs are weak and shaky, but I manage to stand up. When I do, the blood that’s welling up from my cuts starts running down my body in hot streams and I know for sure that I won’t survive this. That doesn’t matter. I keep my eyes on the Humdrum.

I stagger across the battlefield, my magic buzzing inside of me. The dry air is sucking at it, but it’s not leaving me. It stays just under my skin, glowing and pulsating, so hot it’s almost burning. It’s like my magic knows that I’m about to die and take it with me, and it’s protesting. It’s fuelling me, allowing my tattered body to move. I’m not going off, but I feel like my skin is on fire. The world moves in slow motion as I approach the Humdrum, neither of us breaking eye contact. When I’m eye to eye with him, he doesn’t do anything. He keeps staring in to my eyes, and he almost looks like he’s begging me to do something. When I start raising my arms, it barely feels like I’m in charge. It’s like my magic has a mind of its own, which I’ve suspected before. I grab the Humdrum by his shoulders, and suddenly the magic that’s been refusing to leave my body gives in.  
But this doesn’t feel like when the Humdrum tries to take it, because he’s not taking anything. I’m giving it to him. And he’s accepting it. The magic that has always felt overwhelming, uncontrollable and endless now feels like it’s running out, and the Humdrum is disappearing with it. For every drop of magic I pour into him, he fades more and more. I let go of the very last bit of magic, and the Humdrum disappears. My hands sink through the air where he was once standing, and I fall to the ground.

Baz screams my name and comes sprinting across the field, and then falls down on his knees next to me. He pulls out his wand and starts casting healing spells, but nothing happens. This is a dead spot now. He keeps trying, growing more and more desperate.  
“It’s useless” I whisper, but he doesn’t listen.  
“Baz, it’s not going to work. There’s no magic here” I say as loudly as I can manage, and he lets his wand sink. His face is soaked with tears now, and he’s shaking.  
“You can’t die here! Not like this!” he sobs, wrapping his arms around my body.  
“It’s over” I assure him. “The Humdrum is gone. I did my job. It’s okay.” Baz grabs my shoulders and looks into my eyes, and his face is striped with tears and blood. My blood.  
“For fucks sake Simon, this isn’t just about the Humdrum! Being the chosen one doesn’t mean that your life is pointless just because the threat is gone! You can’t die like this! Not here, not now!”  
I feel tears forming in my eyes as well, not because I’m about to die but because Baz is so upset about it. I want to comfort him, I don’t want him to suffer. But there’s nothing I can do.  
“It’s okay Baz. I defeated the Humdrum. That’s what matters the most.” Tears from Baz’s face fall down on mine, and he takes a shaky breath.  
“Simon, you can’t die here. You can’t die, I never even got to tell you….” He pauses.  
“Tell me now.”  
Baz is sobbing violently, and getting any words out seems to take a lot of strength.  
“I love you Simon. I always have” he says, and more tears fall on my face. “I love you, and you don’t deserve to die like this.”  
I feel streams of warm tears run down the sides of my face, but I manage to form a small smile.  
“I defeated the Humdrum. I saved _you_. I’d say that’s worth dying for.”  
Baz smiles softly through the tears, the kind of smile a grieving person smiles when remembering nice things about the one they're grieving.  
“Always so heroic. Maybe you’re not the worst chosen one to ever have been chosen.”  
“I’m serious Baz. I don’t regret throwing myself between you and that monster, not even slightly. Because it saved you. And I love you” I whisper, and it’s getting hard to talk now. I’m bleeding out fast.  
“Baz” I breathe. “Will you kiss me before it’s too late?” He nods, wiping my blood from his face and leaning in closer.  
His lips are chapped and taste of blood, but I’m sure mine do too. Regardless, it’s the best kiss I’ve ever had. My mind goes blank, and I forget all about the battlefield and the cuts that are draining me of life. All I feel is my chest filling with the glowing warmth of kissing someone you love, and my lips against Baz’s, which is just where they’re meant to be. Kissing Baz feels like coming home.

And that’s the last thing I ever feel.

**Author's Note:**

> I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS  
> I HATE WRITING ANGST  
> I WANT MY SONS TO BE HAPPY  
> I HATE THIS AND I'M SO SORRY
> 
> Please leave a comment though, especially if it made you emotional! I love hearing what you think, and since I don't usually write angst I'm even more curious about your opinions.
> 
> Tomorrow's fic is pretty much only fluff though, so I hope that somehow makes up for this!


End file.
